math woes

depression is like a plant, it feeds itself!
i feel like disappearing now.
bye world.

no more later

the only reason i'm blogging is because i feel like sleeping and not like doing math.. and my head is unfocused, sort of like floating in a cloud, which sorta means i need to get stuff to refocus, i.e. chocolate. my stock of chocolate is finally running out! and since i'm not going to buy anymore, the moment it runs out, there will be no more chocolate in the house! for the first time since, well, i think it's the first time ever o.O



cool informative chart =) click to see!
i'm not hungry!
[edit: i'm not hungry now! salmon and cheese sushi <3 no chocolate =)]
[edit2: chem was killer! i'm feeling the aftereffects even now. fyi, now is 6pm. chem ended at 1120.. i want to sleep moreeee =( ]

please resolve this

this is one of the many times i've heard this today! anyway, i realised why my play counts are so low.. because i get impatient and i switch songs immediately after the main parts finish, but it's not my fault! because there are some extra silent seconds at the end of some songs =( why should i want to listen to silence... and now i can't remember what i wanted to blog because i'm hungry.

oh, econs paper. i'm glad that it was case studies! because if it had been essay, i would have been dead. not that i aren't, just less dead? if that's possible. the concept of death is.. dead. i'm not making sense! hungry =( food =)

chemistry makes people go crazy!! especially when they are hungry =O maybe more later

the road has been too long

i feel like i've lost some part of myself along the way i've travelled. some say that i achieved more patience, so in that sense, i've grown. but, i feel like i've lost my aggression, the ability to push myself without the slightest pause or hesitation. for example, even if i know what i want to do, what i have to do to get there, i'll contemplate those options for a while before making any move. not that this is truly bad, yet this 'quality' manifesting in inappropriate situations sucks, for lack of a better word. yeah, i can push myself, but always at the last minute. which is better than not pushing at all, but still bad. because it's not truly the best interpretation that can be!!

i need to be more aggressive. yup. mug!

five minutes to midnight

i typed five midnights before i realised.. hey wait! it's "five minutes to midnight", except now is way past midnight.

okay rewind. mugging outside is not as bad as i angsted about previously but that depends :x And the blame lies with the air conditioning! do i Dislike aircon. the only exceptions being when i actually feel like having aircon, otherwise its only purpose is to make me miserable. and yesterday was particularly bad because had to transit between humid, hot and sunny weather to freezing cold aircon, which was only welcome for that split second of transition! aircon in the LT, in the eating place, in tuition! too much for me to handle.. especially with the freaky weather, first it was scorching in the afternoon, then nearing the evening it threatened to rain and blew cold winds at me :(

apples are yummy when crunchy and sweet =) i like being able to bite apples!

and the song is nice, the lyrics are nice, Boys Like Girls is nice =D and i guess this is my favourite Boys Like Girls song!

Hero / Heroine

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie

You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded.

this can be interpreted =) but i shan't even try because barrier tunnelling is calling...

oh and although we're all guilty of it, and tend to do it, people shouldn't make conclusions that they aren't sure of :p inferring is inevitable, But it's usually rather inaccurate. especially when based on a general feeling... hence i won't fall victim to making wrong conclusions based on feelings that cannot be indicated by some instrument or something! because i don't trust them =) best way to go, paranoia and "innocent until proven guilty"! i almost typed paranoia and deceit, because they seem to sound good together but that wasn't the point i was making.

because you say don't mean you mean it

conclusion: going out to study is not as productive as staying home to study, especially when you're already tired. outside places zap energy from you..sort of like negative charges zap protons!

physics tuition was too long today.. he draggggged it until 10, when it's supposed to end at 9 and he usually ends at 9.30. man, was i starving! until i wasn't hungry anymore. and the folks were quite :S coz they waited for so long.. seriously i think he should have better time management. maybe he was lonely? :x

something interesting happened today! i was on the mrt on the way to school, and there was this woman standing in front of me, i think she got a nose job.. her nose looked super plastic and fake.. sorta like one of those noses you always hear poetry about - the upturned nose with the rounded tip, like one of those european actress noses. Anyway the point is the nose looked fake. The bridge looked made. like it didn't really blend properly to the rest of the face, and the bone structure of the bridge looked forced! i don't know how to describe it.. anyway i felt quite bad because i think i stared at it quite often on the whole ride :s it was fascinating! AND right in front of me, well slightly above my eye level but convenient enough for my attention to be drawn to it and kept there! then again, maybe it was real because it looked to fake to be fake? does that even make sense oO see! most nose surgery raises the tip! i honestly don't know why they want people to see up their nostrils.. nice meh.

i'm tired. :s go and read physics notes next to the tv. hopefully got interesting stuff on otherwise i'm going to crash! i have decided that i'd rather stay home to study, because going out whole day to study is more tiring, you may get more accomplished in that period of time, but ultimately the amount of work you get accomplished depends on mood! whereas as home, you chiong, if you're tired, you sleep or bathe or do de-tiring routines :s the computer is both a con and a pro of home mugging! but i guess it's ultimately willpower.. i feel lousy for not being able to hang on and mug late :s nvm i'll wake up earlier and mug tomorrow. crap. i really feel like i'm going to crash and this can be inferred from teary eyes and sneezy nose -.- and if it really happens, rebooting will take a long time.

lol surfing nose surgery sites. it's quite funny! they post 'before' shots of people in the worst outfits/ hair/ poses possible. then the 'after' photos are magically 'wow' but half of that is due to better hair and makeup and poses.. ;p something that's always been around, but for noses because the photos are face shots, it's even more obvious!

Challenging Noses

Certain types of noses do not lend themselves as easily to rhinoplasty as others. The more subtle the correction, the thicker or more delicate your skin, the more difficult the surgeon’s task becomes. Dr. Fodero prides himself on his integrity and gives his patients the most realistic expectations, but his dedication to rhinoplasty also means he can handle more challenging cases. Even if other surgeons have told you that your case is too difficult, contact Dr. Fodero for rhinoplasty in Morristown, Livingston, or Summit. Chances are, he’ll be able to make significant improvement to your nose.

AND for more information on Asian noses, go here.

haha! why am i even surfing this...

goodnight (:

why don't you slide

looking back on it now, time seemed to pass so slowly yet the end seems to rush at you with an intensity that you weren't prepared for despite all your complaints about how slow it was.

FHT is finally around the corner! just 6-7 more sorties.. yet i have common tests next week which means i won't prep for it until after next week... Second and last FHT brief today, i guess that's why i'm contemplating my future.

Weird, how the simple fact that i'd be obtaining a PPL soon could prompt me to finally think about what i'm gonna do, what i'm gonna be, and how i'm gonna live my life! perhaps it was also what my instructor talked to us about.. i've always known about retirement schemes, and that i should read up about investing (use money to make more money) and calculated risks from such ventures. but the i never really thought about the future, it was always, one more year away, and too soon.. vague ideas. finally growing up looms closer and closer. i guess i'll really have to think about it! but FIRST, get through the challenge that is FHT and A levels =)

envy the certainty that some people hold on to throughout their lives on what they want to grow up to be, because i've never known and i've just walked a path, which has been (as much as it can be) of my own choosing. and it's time to get back to the highway instead of meandering along the country roads, hitting the expressways once awhile, before turning off track again! i know my heading, i just have to choose the shortest, best route to get there.. even though experience is a plus factor, bad experiences are not really worth having, except for testing your ability to react!

train my positivity, thinking ahead, and reaction times. it's just like chess, how some people can anticipate 3 moves ahead of their opponents and make contigencies! it may not be enough to just trust my gut now, although that's a certainty that i'm going to hold on to. have to do extra to get extra. it's a "reap what you sow" world. Most of the time.

Pilot

this was going to be an utterly meaningless post for the sake of showing that i'm awake at 3.40am again but i decided against it (: shall wake up at 10+ tmr. No wasting time! (: i solved almost all the normal distribution questions as i planned to do! focus and positivity! and i should start doing things faster too... instead of turning nocturnal in a futile bid to make the most of the day after wasting the larger portion of it moaning about how sleepy i am. BUT, something good came out of my slacking :D Boys Like Girls is my latest indie band discovery - listen to Five Minutes to Midnight, Hero / Heroine and Me, You and My Medication~

Me, you and my medication~ Love is just a chemical creation! how true =)

the best thing about today was area solo <3 At Long Last. After like countless DNCOs and skipping of sorties to do IF instead, i finally got my area solo. Although a mere 0.7h, i think it did wonders for my self-trust since my landing was loveeeely compared to the last solo, when i totally screwed myself up. but that's over. centreline, aimpoint, speed and focus! i almost got the clarity of mind i get from focusing totally on flying back again, on finals to land. it was fleeting, but oh so welcome... i was going to put a funny analogy in but decided not to :P so now it's on to the final stretch of the challenge. yes, it's a challenge, and i like challenges =) well, rather, unless i get lazy. which i'm supposed to get rid of (the laziness not the liking of challenges)! and if i'm not habitually lazy or procrastination-inclined, i'll probably do much better in life, and not sleep at 4am anymore trying to catch up on all the stuff i should have done before.. lol :P

i feel like a hero, and you my heroine (haha!)

ouch

did little today. i shall finish reading periodicity before hitting the sack. wonder how the expression came about, probably some medieval thing involving using sacks as pillows. watched potc3 though and finished getting all the stuff i wanted off the net.. which is kinda bad because that may mean i'm going to watch the history boys somewhen soon.

and i kinda miss going to school, even though i usually skip quite abit of school to go flying, especially last term. =( oh no, i actually miss school!

and my left ring finger hurts even though i didn't do anything to it! could this be an early onset of arthritis? everyone stop cracking your knuckles. seriously.

better get back to work if i want to sleep!

guilty =(

okay! i just went blog-surfing the featured blogs on blogspot (check out the homepage) and realised that without all the 'hahaa's and the 'lol's and the emoticons, blogs look and sound a LOT more professional. interesting reads, those were, and they'd probably help you improve your vocabulary or writing style. well, some of them at least! maybe i should attempt to revamp my blogging style to a less dairy-style - yeah, typoed it on purpose =P supposed to invoke images of country, plebian lifestyles (there was a word i wanted to use, but i can't remember it, one of the SAT questions that i got wrong, ewrgh.)

anyway the point of this post was Not to go on about blogging styles. what i really wanted to post was this:

i like being a girl. but being a guy would have made things much easier for me, considering my interests in cars, flying and sports! basically, speed and the thrill of adrenalin-rushes =D zzz.

but that seems totally irrelevant to the general topic of this post. which i should not be posting and neither should i be opening potc3. just great ><

Hoist the colours high

Yo, Ho, Haul together,
Hoist the colours high.
Heave, Ho, Thieves and beggars,
Never shall we die.

the melody got stuck in my head and i was humming it everywhere i went =P hauntingly cool.. but that part of potc3 was rather provoking in that it reflected how society works - the way the 'bottom' of society gets sacrificed for the 'good' of the rich.

anyway, shrek 3 was good! rather clichéd in that you could probably predict most of the plot, yet entertaining enough that i didn't fall asleep despite being awake for the entire day because i watched the 2345h show =P it's the kind of cute family film that you relax to. missed shrek 2 on ch5 yesterday though, thanks to tuition. but tuition is probably what's keeping my physics alive _{i'm a lazy pig!}. haha XD they sold quite alot of punk clothes there but i didn't buy any coz i was looking for normal stuff. :x now to think of it, quite wasted. i'd probably want to visit japan for their cool punk clothes! then you won't look out of place coz alot of people are wearing the same things =D types of dressing i want to try at least once in my life - goth, punk, cyberpunk! before i get too old for that sort of crap. lol =) oh and yummilicious jap food with their nice packagings! hahaa so much for save the environment =P

time to revert to mugging mode~

chemchemchemchemchemchemchemchemchemchemchemchemchem

where i last stopped off

time to chronicle my life once again. when i read through these entries in a few years, i wonder what i'd think! and i wonder where'd i be, what i'd be doing and who i'd be doing them with =) life is full of surprises? and like what one of the flying instructors said, we always have to think that there's only one slot (like scholarships, flight school, etc.) even if there are more than one, and we got to strive to be that best pilot/person/student we can be. enough said =P

it was good. everyone agreed that it was good! but my poor cheesecake was to be left in the freezer (where it still remains and i should get rid of it soon) because no one had any time to spare for it =( *sobsob* perhaps a baked cheesecake would be better - like the one i had at starbucks in malaysia =) yum marble cheesecake with chocolate and walnut bits base! [update2:cheesecake = complete]

malaysia trip was not bad, i love berjaya times square! and i detest tiara 'beach resort'! feel like complaining like mad about the lousy 'beach resort' which is touted online as some really nice place, wins what stupid best family resort in malaysia and turns out to offer really lousy service, has yucky rooms which they term 'suites' and fits the criteria maybe in terms of size! but that's all. and has lousy food. ewgh. and the beach is not even a beach (okay this was probably my fault) but a few swimming pools lined with sand! it's good for a day outing to play the slides and whatever, but there's absolutely nothing to do there. granted, the place looked really pretty because it's new and the layout and architecture was not bad =) the clowns were funny and i got some heart-shaped balloon thingy lol. and it's pretty there even though it thunderstormed during our stay there and the sand gets waterlogged, turning to mud. got to walk in a thunderstorm <3 it's a super cool and nice thing to do =) even if to find food. my slippers got cleaned by the torrents of rain! and at least i got to play pool there, even if the pool table was so dirty that by the time i was done the hand i used as a rest for the cue was black, blue and green from the dirt, dye running out of the tabletop felt, and chalk. hahaa quite fun.

Shopping in KL was a much better experience even though this time i didn't get to go to Pasar Seni (aka chinatown) to walk the stalls which sell fake goods (lol) =P because it rained! but got quite a few new shirts =) of not bad quality. i didn't manage to complete my shopping list! but nvm. (i want strappy/ chain-hung cargo pants/jeans!!) hahaa Berjaya Times Square is really pretty and has REALLY nice rooms <3 BIG studio suites with pretty bathrooms which are quite large! and the charges per night is not high for that kind of standard. really great <3 and the shopping mall that's adjacent to it is Huge. and has almost everything! i watched Shrek 3 there, went bowling, shopping, eating (okay the eating's not so great inside the mall). yeah bowling! hahaa i've gotten quite noob at it. oh well. there's some really good dessert stalls outside the mall within walking distance - supper! ahahaa no wonder i get fat when i go msia. because the food in the small coffeeshops, hometown style restaurants and whatever are really yummy =D

and i like roadtrips, even though the car seems small with more people squeezed into it. it's cool to see places you've never seen before even though they start looking the same after awhile, it's still a huge difference from singapore's landscape. and relaxing. i mean while travelling the old roads, you get to see kampung villages, small towns scattered with fields and random livestock/animals like cows! hahaa, those big yellow schoolbuses that we don't have anymore but were an icon in the past could be found there too! and all the buildings were short, with interspersed green patches and trees and whatever there. got vids =D

[tbc]

Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

omg i'm N00B.wrt photos and photography.
a) next time taking photos of papers, use black and white setting -.-" sheesh.
b) next time don't be photographed. because i look idiot. more idiot than not in photograph. which is then super idiot!

relieve stress by screaming = disturb neighbours = bad. luckily not my neighbours =P i'm kidding. update another time.

and i hope i don't pay the price of going out today by failing nav tomorrow.

mugmugmug.

it's all about the catching up

alright! one more IF flight tmr morning, which means i will be late for bball but catching up to the rest of them is more important now :x i was slow and now i'll get back on track. talking about tracking, i have a scared feeling about nav.. i should probably study AWAY from the computer. then again, have to train my mental focus and willpower - am i up to the task! actually i thought there would be no flight for me tomorrow so today would be study till super late day, but alas. (okay it's funny to use alas) it was not meant to be! =P that's such a weird way to put it.

ahh, Tengah Airbase trip! it was super cool seeing how a f-16 squadron operates (sorta) and seeing real f-16 pilots! they look normal. hahahaaa like what was i expecting =) but it was reassuring nonetheless. oh. did i mention that looks can be deceptive? they seem to love tying people up on their birthdays :P taping them to tables and dragging their poor victims around. and they seem to eat alot too! we saw their lounge, and also saw zoe tay's husband oO haha squadron 140, osprey warriors :P it seems that rsaf life would be really busy and fun. and zomgosh <3 the f-16s were. well they were normal fighter jet planes. but just imagining what it'd be like to fly one and break the sound barrier is super cool! two of the older PPL course people went on f-16 joyrides today :x that's why we got to go see them suit up and all that ("coz the boss pulled strings") it was really fun! and appreciated =) the g-suits look like corsets though, some part of it. i think i'd have to lose ALOT of weight to fit into the leg parts of the g-suit. lol no wonder pilots aren't that fat. xD free slim wraps. i'm crapping lol =P anyway, it seems that one of them puked on the joyride before they even got to the training area, and the other was concentrating so hard on not puking and not dying that they didn't really enjoy it. lol =P i wonder what i'd do if i had been in their position!

eh update on msia another time. i shouldn't even be blogging xP but i was scared i would forget.

on a side note: i wish i could get back to that natural flying enjoyment zone that i was in for awhile. i can't remember when i kinda lost my way but i guess it should be time to catch up to that green zone soon. after nav paper. because i'm like in yellow zone now --> refer to some mental skills thing for athletes. =P

navigate my way through these days

nav paper on friday :x hurrah. i will not fail! and after that it's intensive mugging for common tests. i hope i don't keep coming online! computers are annoying.. yet useful - like the lousy nav computer that i just figured out how to use today. talk about last minute preparations!

i should update about msia trip and the cheesecake (which is currently as frozen as. err. very hard ice). but tengah airbase trip tomorrow =) and hopefully IF. then nav, nav, nav. whee! blog in detail another time. i should sleep now =P

oh and diet should start again. yup. msia = put on too much weight = bad. duh.