two more days

since i'm slacking, and i really don't know why i'm slacking but i don't really feel like de-slacking now. which is awful. but nevermind, i've decided to be unproductive and blog for the first time in a rather long while. been having quite interesting conversations lately, must be the effect of actually doing some fascinating readings for general paper! which is one day after physics paper 3, which is two days away.. wow. this will be the first real big exam all integrated program students have sat for since primary 6! awesome.

actually, it's not really great because i find myself really unprepared. and attempting to debate the benefits or disadvantages of being weighed on a bell curve do not sit well with my stomach right now.. just start calculating the probability of getting your desired grades! which is quite possible with our knowledge of normal distributions, except you'll have to make quite a few assumptions and knowing me, i'll assume the worst!

perhaps i should mention that i think i stepped on a snail in my sleepy morning state a few days ago on the way to school? but what does that have to do with anything, except that i felt awful after that! this is probably the problem with my GP and econs essays - i tend to jump points after linking them in my head without giving concrete, black-and-white connectors and developing and explaining! i must keep those in mind. structure.

anyway, ramble ramble. i was on the topic of the A levels, approaching, and accompanyingly, ominously, "real" life as an adult. alright, i don't really feel like contemplating these issues now! back to physics after this rambly entry which really wasn't useful! but we all need to do useless stuff sometimes.. like crush snails :x

oh did i mention i'm extremely disgruntled and annoyed that i lost a nice, solid eraser!! now i'm stuck with a soft eraser, which is honestly, not very nice to use!! :( could this be a bad omen? :S

behind enemy lines

i guess you can say i've wasted almost the entire day and that my productivity is at an all time low! :P watching behind enemy lines on tv now. and i don't regret taking this break because it set me to thinking about military life and if i'd really join the rsaf..

when we consider a career in the military, or any other careers, we consider the pay, lifespan of the career, and what you would do in the job - does it interest you? but when considering combat duty, there is the added dimension of actuality, of life and death, of survival.

in the show, an f-18 hornet got shot down in a supposed de-militarised zone, the pilot was injured but his navigator, the main character was unharmed. the crux of this is that the pilot got killed by renegade serbian militants who weren't supposed to even be there (this was the bosnian war). and the navigator has to get himself to safety. so the issues that i started thinking about was firstly on the individual scale - i.e. what if the pilot was me? , and subsequently on the issues of organisational, national, international politics which can be summed up in the phrase "wth?!" lol. but how true.

even though the focus is on deterrence and diplomacy, what happens when there is a freak incident and you get caught in the cross-fire? will you be able to make it out alive? there's no doubt that you will emerge from the situation with a different perspective, perhaps even scarred.. mentally, emotionally, even if not physically. it's frightening to even have to place yourself in the hypothetical situation where enemy troops are approaching you, and you're all alone, injured and lying on the ground. you have a gun, will you use it? and who will you use it on? how many of them can you take down before it's your turn.. what would i do.. and do i even want to be at the risk of being placed in such a situation.. it's true that you can die any time, and it's true that if it were up to me, at this stage in my life, i'd choose to die in a glorious explosion of fighter plane and me while carrying out a mission or a dogfight. the heroism, idealism and immortality of youth! don't you just love it :P dying peacefully seems such a boring idea and at this age, who wants boring!

but for a career, for the rest of your life, would i want such a possibility hanging over my head? when it comes to it, could i step up? hard choices to make, for the price of having a shot at flying a fighter plane! which is, doubtless, one of the experiences of a lifetime.. and why we have to have good eyesight, good physical abilities - all these equate to survival! i mean if you crashed and (a) lost your contacts or have no time to put them in, (b) smashed your specs, how can you be alert to danger! like the slightest shift or movement that give away enemy locations, or the briefest glint of a mine tripwire.. "movie-esque", but applicable.

and politics. ahh, i shan't even begin to go into that! because now i've got to hit the books again!

choice

mais nous n'aviez jamais

Daughtry's album is fantastic =D no prizes to guessing what's been keeping me mugging!

Over You
Chris Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,

I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
And I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

farewell assembly

it's annoying when people are childish, and i know i'm being childish by being annoyed even though i say, "whatever, i should not be annoyed so i'm like don't care", and sort of lowering myself to that level even though i'm attempting not to.

it's kind of disappointing that people are flawed? yes, me included. although if everyone were perfect, life would be kind of boring. but why can't people see that everyone is flawed! and that it's so not worth it, okay i feel hypocritical as i'm typing this so i guess this reasoning it out is resolving my issues with the world today for the moment. because, i was fine with it until today! maybe some days your tolerance levels are much lower than usual.

it's storming outside, and i felt like walking in the rain on the way home because the big drops started plopping down as i was crossing the road! but logic and brain took over spontaneity and heart, even though i was feeling kind of sian, there's nothing practical to be gained from walking under torrents of rain, and feeling all your angst and whatever being washed away, only to incapacitate yourself and feel even worse later.

i don't like being caught in the middle. and i when i say i don't like someone, it only lasts for the while that i'm feeling annoyed. after that, it'll be fine. anyway, the kind of people i don't like most are people i can't trust not to stab me in the back, you can stab me or betray me when i'm looking though. lol, i'll just not like you for a long while. but the "innocent until proven guilty" clause applies in this case, so i trust you until you betray me and i find out, and i weigh the betrayal. then sayonara! good bye my "friend".
what an angsty paragraph!

so much for productive mugging today! i think i'll go take a nap, then wake up and bathe and do work.

here's to living the moment, cause it passed

farewell assembly tomorrow. somehow i don't feel really nostalgic or whatever. actually, all i'm feeling is whatever, all the emo stuff will probably kick in like, grad night? i think. hmm not going to cry, i think i'll just be quite sleepy unless something makes me high. yawn. the only thing i've been feeling lately is (a) tired, (b) stressed, (c) inadequate. i used to think that stress was something you give yourself, and i still think that way! maybe i should take a step back, and deal with work from a better perspective.. hmm how did i use to do it?? i think i've seriously degenerated as a working student. or maybe, i've just been psyching myself all wrong!

math mock paper 1. not very good. i was feeling super like going to the toilet before the halfway mark! but i managed to do until i really couldn't solve another question, before going at like 15 minutes before paper ended. lol. then i came back and managed to anyhow whack a few answers. i thought it was better than our school's prelims though but it wasn't very good because i couldn't understand the lousy vectors question, and was late for tuition which made me feel even More annoyed, And there weren't answers given! so i have to go and find them myself?! Add that to tuition from 5pm to 10pm. he really ended at 10 today. wow. although tuition was less stoned today. i sort of made everyone laugh by murmuring a nonsense answer and then exclaiming "nothing!" when he asked me to speak up.. shocking the stoned classroom into immediate laughter. lol. oh well. :P

my brain is dead. tired and i didn't complete what i wanted to today. And we have to go to school tomorrow. at the normal time, which kind of sux. and this has become super whiny. and i have a headache. i think i should sleep more. today was not a very good day. annoying. especially since i'm feeling particularly pessimistic. so i'm gonna sleep soon.. when my hair dries! rawr

yawrrrrrawr

super tired.
i want a 28 hour day, i'm not even asking for more! 20 hours should be more than enough, and the 8 hours of sleep would be lovely. then again, if we had a 28 hour day, being awake for 20 hours may mean needing more than 8 hours of sleep! why is the average human body so weak! we should have had some other means of detecting light and shapes instead of eyes, eyes get tired and spoilt so easily.. and there should be some kind of brain food! why hasn't anyone found it yet.. or maybe someone has, but is keeping it secret! :O otherwise, if everyone had brains that could work for so long, there'd be no advantage anymore!

i think i shall do a routine of: wake up, eat, work, nap, eat, work, nap, eat, work, sleep. if you have noticed, there's a lack of "computer time". which means, the plan will not be feasible. lol!

going to take a nap. [Edit 11/10/07: didn't take a nap in the end! ended up going out to JE to get fetched to go eat dinner. lool.] not making sense.

Carry You
Jimmy Eat World

And I know I'm all alone
Say your name slowly
And I know that I'm alone
But I'll carry you

Does it feel good like a memory
When you try some history
It's a dream to come around
But who doesn't then,
Because the taste doesn't taste the same again

It's easy feeling righteous when you're new
All you'll get is what you wanna hear
It hurts because it should
How else am I to make it clear?

I could never be the one that you want, don't ask.
Well, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed.

Maybe your life is what I need sometimes
You took the most and best of anyone
You said to "keep me in your pocket"
So I carried you

You better choose your words carefully
Because I'm not your anything
Gonna stay here in my place
And you'll stay in yours because
Your only good is what you're good for

I pace around the room to spend the time
Waiting while the burning pictures fade
Want a thing to make you mine
And another to say it's fine

I could never be the one that you want, don't ask.
Well, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed, it passed.

I'm still carrying a little hope that
Maybe things could get different now
Is that so wrong, is that so wrong, is that so wrong?

Would I see you tonight
At a place we go?
I wanna make things right
Before time runs out.
Roll down the windows
Like you know they're coming
Slap my face just to feel, to feel you there again

I could never be the one that you want, don't ask.
Well, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed.

I could never be the one that you want, don't ask.
Yeah, here's to living in the moment
'Cause it passed.
'Cause it passed, it passed, it passed.

mock scares

actually, i had a real scare this morning! but it wasn't that scary.. i was bringing my bag out of the room to dump in the hall before going out, and i wasn't wearing specs so when i saw something the size of half a pingpong ball moving across the floor, i wasn't really alarmed but more curious! (please bear in mind that it was early in the morning so my brain wasn't really functioning very quickly) BUT, i took one more step closer and found, to my horror, that it was a cockroach!! and i tried to scream, but i think my voice gave out on me so what came out was rather hoarse and choked/muted. Fortunately. it's like the first time in my house that a cockroach has dared to crawl in front of me and it paid for it with its life!! okay, that's quite murderous but anyway i ran to wake my dad up, who killed it.. what, you think i'll even go that near it?? and was amused by my mom who had jumped onto the sofa and stayed there until the body was disposed of.

today was a not bad day, in terms of listening to econs micro essay debrief - there were some points worth listening to, and the lecturer was a good one, to my relief. but, the going-through of november specimen paper 07 of chem wasn't very useful i found, even though it made me get to school by 8! i managed to mark my stuff and go through them during econs though, so quite productive.

had gp mock today too.. hmm not too bad, as in i felt quite good after actually planning my essay before i wrote it although i missed out what i felt was a crucial point! even though i DID write it down in my planning stage.. took 30minutes to plan, which was too long but really helped me in structuring i feel. shall try for lesser planning time. anyway, the paper 1 questions were quite wth, because i looked through them once and started mental laughter in my head..not easy, just very, weird? lol paper 2 was worse!! and i still didn't have enough time on my AQ.. i think i slowed down while writing summary. rawr.

anyway, significant discovery 2 of the day:
eating a heavy breakfast and a light lunch helps keep me awake and productive for longer periods of time! this is evident from my current level of not very tired!

i was even going to study in school and attempt to do some math, before going to eat dinner with my mom before going home to bathe and continue doing more work. BUT my nice plans were foiled by mom, and i got chased home to record her 7 o clock show. :S so much for attempting to save her the trouble of buying food home and doing effective work! and now, i'm slacking.

meh.. at least i got a mini choco-raisin ring thing from four leaves. i think mini stuff are cute, and good because they don't make you full! i ate a mini cheese custard danish and a mini milk and chocolate bread thing already.. ok mini packet of chocolate vitasoy with mini choco-raisin thing now! lol..

There is a Japanese mother's saying that recommends, 'Hara hachi bunme' - or 'Eat until you are 80 per cent full.'

Japanese Women Don't Get Old Or Fat, by Naomi Moriyama and William Doyle

only human

i didn't manage to accomplish what i wanted to do today! i took the whole day to do what i planned to complete in half a day, AND, i haven't haven't finished.. so i took a break, to whine about how much time i waste, which is actually wasting more time :O revelation! actually, re-revelation LoL i think i've discovered that before. but it's quite funny that i waste time whining about wasting time. except there's no time left to waste, which makes that even more hilarious!

alright, i've just been useless again (:

Mark Daily

i opened youtube to watch a video for a short break but ended up surfing and came across this article instead, it's about a specific person but i thought it was more insightful for the issues it raises and the writing style is quite good.. the article was quite good. it must have been because i thought the time i spent on reading it was better put to use than if i'd just watched a funny youtube video or two. so no more youtube and it's back to work!

1. William Butler Yeats, who was chilled to discover that the Irish rebels of 1916 had gone to their deaths quoting his play Cathleen ni Houlihan. He tried to cope with the disturbing idea in his poem "Man and the Echo":

Did that play of mine send out
Certain men the English shot? …
Could my spoken words have checked
That whereby a house lay wrecked?

2. last scene of Macbeth, which is the only passage I know that can hope to rise to such an occasion. The tyrant and usurper has been killed, but Ross has to tell old Siward that his boy has perished in the struggle:

Your son, my lord, has paid a soldier's debt;
He only lived but till he was a man;
The which no sooner had his prowess confirm'd
In the unshrinking station where he fought,
But like a man he died.

This being Shakespeare, the truly emotional and understated moment follows a beat or two later, when Ross adds:

Your cause of sorrow
Must not be measured by his worth, for then
It hath no end.

3. Orwell had the same experience when encountering a young volunteer in Barcelona, and realizing with a mixture of sadness and shock that for this kid all the tired old slogans about liberty and justice were actually real. He cursed his own cynicism and disillusionment when he wrote:

For the fly-blown words that make me spew
Still in his ears were holy,
And he was born knowing what I had learned
Out of books and slowly.

However, after a few more verses about the lying and cruelty and stupidity that accompany war, he was still able to do justice to the young man:

But the thing I saw in your face
No power can disinherit:
No bomb that ever burst
Shatters the crystal spirit.

finally handling test (:

ALRIGHT i'm here to blog like a real long blog post that encapsulates my feelings, hopes, desires and whatever nonsense that i feel like blogging after a super long time! last post didn't count! coz that was a rant and meaningless!

summary of PPL course
Dual: 69.2h
Solo: 11.8h
IF: 5.5h

passed: 02/10/2007
attempt: 2nd
a/c registration: 9V-BOF

quite tired now but i want to put all my thoughts and feelings down in words while the memory of flight is still fresh in my mind. well, i guess the main thing about being a pilot is that it's a constant learning process, that you must have confidence in yourself, your skills, your instructor, and that you must be the one in control, you have to be alert! which is why i was sleeping at 10pm for the past week..because i got scolded so badly for "hanging" by a thread during flights, and threatened to be discontinued if i continued to be not alert and sleepy and utterly stupid.. which is what i was (:

i feel like if this was a video game, i've levelled up! by alot. why? because my brain is working better than it has been for awhile, thanks to sufficient sleep - so i'm going to continue sleeping early, except this time it will be 11pm everyday! ok but that's superficial, more importantly, i've learnt to prioritise, focus, handle stress, and NOT cry**! that second last flight, i felt really awful in the air because he was scolding like mad and my eyes stung, but only for mere seconds because i took a deep breath and carried on!! and i really appreciate all the effort that my instructor put into teaching us, well, he was able to 松一口气 today.. man, gotta give him a good treat and hug him! hahaha, honestly i feel like hugging anyone right now!

i passed FHT.

it feels BEYOND AWESOME to be able to type that, say that, scream that, laugh that! it's like you finally reached the light at the end of one tunnel, and there may more more tunnels to go through but, i felt like i'd actually accomplished something by passing! and i'm going to hold this mindset - listen out on RT, i.e. be alert; breathe to get sufficient oxygen, clear your head, and carry on like it's a new sortie, so you're refreshed and working efficiently; understand what you have to learn! anyway i still have to pass medical on friday! lol. time to not eat and lose weight and somehow improve my eyesight by leaps and bounds by the time i hit friday.. :S we hope for the best. and i hope they make it through tmr and thursday!

today is charlu's birthday - special luck on her special day xP i'm gonna remember her birthday until i'm 80! i passed FHT the day after children's day! omgomgomgggg! ahahaa

ok.

i also wanna blog about the crazily weird dream i had last night!

i dreamt that i was taking the test, during the evening?! LOL which is impossible according to our PPL privileges, but nevermind. it was a really weird flight! so i was flying with the chief flying instructor, and it was getting steadily darker and darker, so we did some circuits and i think attempted a glide to land. so on this last base turn, suddenly, i realised that there was a building? obscuring my view of the runway, which is rather ridiculous, because there's not supposed to be anything, much less a building on the turn to final! so i was quite shocked and feeling rather 'wth' but managed to land, although rather haphazardly on the runway and parked at the side. then we walked out of the a/c and turned off into another road that was lined with houses?
(don't ask, it's a dream. and weird. was quite freaky, but not really nightmarish, so i was fine when i woke up, anyway i only remembered my dream after the flight)
then we continued walking along the rather dark road and the examiner turned into a lighted house, i remember thinking "is that his house and family?" but i continued walking to another house and entered it! this time, my instructor, family and alot of people were in the house? anyway we were eating steamed chicken rice when i woke up. LOL oO talk about bizarre dream! this is the 2nd really weird dream i've had in 2 weeks! and that's a record because usually i sleep so deeply that i don't remember dreams.. haha my mom says if someone came and carried my bed away, i'd still be sleeping. lol. somehow, i'm inclined to believe her..

anyway, now that one page of my story has turned! i can concentrate on studying for A levels "in peace".

what i'm feeling now is primarily tiredness and relief. but when omg, he walked into the briefing room and said, "okay, now let's move on to part 3 - systems brief", it was like, "omg, i passed part 2 - flying!" and even though i was rather tired after the flight, there was this adrenaline rush, because it was like "okay, it's not over yet! got to show him that i understand systems and get through this". anyway, during the flight, i remember he was approving and even said "good" once! i didn't get that the last FHT i took! and wow. i guess sleeping enough helps because he was pleased with my listening out on RT = alertness to situation in air! so he tested me on engine, engine performance in singapore because our engine is rated at ICAO standards but singapore is hotter - how does this affect our flying, electrical system, then he gave me one question on why does the ammeter fluctuate (like twitch back and forth) after start? and he promised not to ask me anymore questions after i answered that, but if he had to give me hint, he'll ask me more! so i took quite awhile and thought and thought and i finally gave him the answer!without hints! i never felt so good about myself! =D it was like when he finally deigned to say you passed, i wanted to smile and laugh and jump and never stop! i almost couldn't stop smiling! 笑到合不拢嘴! omg i remember chinese! LOL.

ok this is becoming a neverending story. anyway apparently i'm possible material for the airforce because i can take pressure, a.k.a. tekan-ing. random. i need to pass medical! rawr.

haha.
this marks the end of my PPL journey. at last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAA-OF, FINAL!!!!!!! HAHA!!!!! omgomg (:
but the start of something new! (lol, clichéd!)
MUGMUG!


AND because i can't resist!
W00T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! HAHAA OMGOMGOMG XD
i feel ready to burst!! YAYY i think i should go sleep before i explode. LOL!!

edit: i shall blog about prelims later since today marks the day i stop phantom blogging =) well, mostly xD anyway the thought of prelims is sobering enough. lol! exhalee!