V for Vanquish

Valentine's day is around the corner. or rather international friendship day, or singles' awareness day, whatever you want to call it. i find it rather weird that a day in commemoration of two male christian martyrs can evolve into such a holiday, but well human nature is a puzzle. honestly speaking, i don't see the point of the day. but that's probably because, i'm not really into such popularised, commercialised holidays with a specific target group instead of generic population. actually, that's a fallacy because, almost everyone can celebrate it, just that in different ways. i'd rather celebrate international friendship day.

Friends serve many purposes. lol, that sounds rather utilitarian but, i know what i mean so i don't really care. well, besides friends being there for you, you have to be there for your friends as well. so even if you're feeling really gross and sian diao, you'll still force yourself to be happy or cheerful, basically not being contagiously depressing or cynical, and affecting everyone else's mood. as a friend, you'll have to consider what the other person wants or needs or thinks before acting. in a sense, this all sounds as though you're putting on a facade, hiding what your real true self. then again, can anyone define their actual selves? sometimes we all seem to be a collection of masks and personalities that are interchangeable to best suit different situations, with an underlying prerequisite of self protection (no matter conscious or unconscious). after all, no one likes getting hurt.

I'd want to have someone to stone with, or just rot with, at any time of any day. in the end, we're all alone but in the meantime, i'd just like to enjoy the company of people who manage to pull me out of my funk, even if they don't know they're doing it. perhaps one day i'll find someone who, if i just lay there, would lie with me and just forget the world. And even if i don't quite know how to say how i feel, they would understand because what we shared would be something more than words. Maybe the lousy valentine's day mood is getting to me. especially since i spent a large portion of my time yesterday before tuition in the canteen, confronting the large glaring pink words on the judo booth shouting "crush anyone?" To which my answer is, no. haha. if i ever liked someone, probably later later, it would probably not be just a passing crush but something hard to get over. because i have faith in my willpower over getting rid of passing likings. then, it would probably be even worse than a crush. bleargh, thinking about the future when i can't even handle the present is such an unrealistic, useless thing to do. Anyway, people should stop bullshitting about stuff that they obviously know is not true, because despite some amusement value, it gets on anyone's nerves if they are repetitive.

because that's noob. and why won't it stop.

Tiredness is proportional to busyness. busyness is self-determined. hence, tiredness is a perspective. and i should get out of the mindset of saying: "i'm tired." instead, i should say: "i'm busy. i chose to be busy. hence i should do my best because this is what i wanted and what i chose in the first place." i'm obviously not for retracing steps and turning back. i think if you've made a choice, you should move on. perhaps you'll decide that the choice was wrong but carry on anyway and make the best of it, choosing a different road in the next branching of the path that will at least lead you away from your starting point. at least you'll have gotten somewhere. actually that doesn't make sense and i'm usually running in circles all the time. Actually, circular motion is quite fun - both spinning and running in a circle coz you can feel the centripetal force acting on you and you tilt towards the centre of the circle.

it's time to change my heart and mind~ so that i can change my perspectives and improve for the better :)