move along just to make it through

okay, so i'm a great dissembler.
i bet no one knows how scared i really am inside.
haha! right.

emoness α irrationality
irrationality increases when people are tired and can't think straight, hence irrationality α tiredness.
Hence, tiredness α emoness
(now we know why we get more emo and more vulnerable and more open late at night)

i think i'm really lousy for being in this situation. maybe i brought it on myself, but is the loss worth the relative ease of getting through each day? super different in many ways i guess, so cmi. stop speculating! it's making things harder to bear. hahaa because i don't know how many marks i'll get for SAT or math tutorial test since i haven't touched any math since the beginning of the year! went through vectors 11A notes for the first time today. at least i did some work :) i would do more now except that i'm blogging. lol. no promises made anyway.

i want to give up but i don't know how to. life is unfair. why of all the options did i choose that one! fail already. byebye results.

i'm probably not making any sense. do you know how hard it is to appear happy when you're not feeling that great at all? but have no other option. i've been dying inside, little by little. why won't all my problems just resolve themselves into x, y and z so i can equate them and solve for the answer, make me whole once again. I'm just running in circles all the time. Need to move along just to make it through, but i'm still looking for an alibi, a reason to stay gone... it'd probably feel so good to disappear in the middle of nowhere.

One question, what can't be done? You tear me down with the same thing. There's nothing, the end it's begun. What can you do when it all drains? (i wish) When you walk, don't leave a note. Just put your hand on the back door. When you talk, it's just a joke. Just know i can't take it anymore. i'm not kidding. I may break and crack soon. I'm not as strong as i know i should be. However, life is unfair. And that sums it all up.

Final Answer
The Calling

I want love
To carry me through
All the moments, I'd kindly undo
Locked away
So I can feel safe

Now that I'm down on my knees, begging for change
Look down at the water
Before I jump in
To find I was sinking fast, in all that might have been

What I need now is an honest answer, to make things better
You can see now my hands are tied, and I surrender
So I'll wait here for your final answer, your final answer

Is there love without hate
Is there pleasure without pain?
I have seen all my mistakes
I cast you out, but now, I want you back
So light me again, cause my heart is turning black.

What I need now is an honest answer, to make things better
You can see now my hands are tied, and I surrender
So I'll wait here for your final answer, your final answer...