good friday

first time i can remember being nervous and excited and anxious about a competition that is still quite far away!

anyway, i'm glad for today. i feel rather rested :) and i needed to feel that. most days, i'd be exhausted or sleepy by this time in the afternoon since school starts so early. most days, this would be nearing the time i have to rush somewhere and do something. fortunately, this is not most days

and the sky is a pretty blue today. somedays all i do is watch the sky~ most days i watch the sky to check out the weather to see if flights are possible. most days i watch the skies for lack of something else to watch. most days, i stare at the sky because i don't feel like looking anywhere else. happily, this is not most days, and i'm spending some time just looking at the sky because it's pretty and illusive, and vacillating pretty white and grey-ish blue clouds that can't seem to make up their minds on what they want to be, or where they want to be. actually, that sounds rather like me :P

while i'm watching it, the sun has been covered by clouds, and the sky seems to be turning darker now. but it's alright, because there's still blue! and i'm not worried, because i'm going to stay at home for once. actually, this is probably a good time for a thunderstorm, because i haven't been able to just watch a storm or feel sage adn cozy at home while it's storming outside in a long while. the last time a noteworthy storm hit, i was on my way to school and almost got caught in the middle of it. yes, it was pretty, but i'd rather i was on the inside and not outside - blasting winds, machine gun like sheets of rain slashing down, but i don't remember thunder or lightning... must have been too preoccupied with getting to safety unscathed, still got slightly wet though. hmm, i realise i can remember the date! it was the day i had to do my gp common test (which i died for) - mon after ct1 week, so ran up and down to the staffroom to find maam like four times in the morning. so much for monday blues, actually the sky turned blue and nice later. irrelevant.

anyway, i've spent ages just staring at the sky and typing this. feels rather good though, relaxing slightly~ it would be better if i could be indifferent to everything else, especially all the emotions , e.g. stress, and just do stuff. indifferent, is that a euphemism for numb? possibly, but then when you're numb, you don't care (=indifferent). then again, indifference is selective, but numb seems to be all-encompassing. so what now.

hope they are enjoying their lanning session, because i'm rather enjoying being lazy at home. even though i'm running out of time to finish the 400-odd page thick book i'm supposed to study :P ice cream first. lot of cakes in my fridge, so much for dieting!

Ready?
stop.
start.
stop again.
and stay stopped.
pretty blue skies, cute big white clouds, and cool weather :)