drowned

april fool's passed uneventfully. how dull, just like this night seemed so wild. the moon's yellow glow reminds me of jagged forests and howling wolves. it's fullness, a mockery of the mean lives we lead down here on earth. shut that door. i'm feeling down.

honestly, i expected more, but our expectations often let us down. just like the choices we make often lead us down the rough, rocky paths towards an uncertainty so sure that it's paradoxical nature is so contradictory, so hysterical. perhaps i'm not making any sense, but the very senselessness of this post may mean something.

tiredness coupled with regret. i refuse to be confused anymore. i think it's time to really shut down, latch the thrice-locked, 100-inch thick metal door and find someplace i can stay myself, heal myself because i'm falling sick from these exhaustive, meaningful days. built bonds don't stay there forever, but these times of camaraderie where we take the shots as they come together, make our own plays and share the insanity of fighting for something we desire together. a common goal. yet always, you still end up alone. and it is in these times when your true worth shines through self reflection and self knowledge. time to fight, system baby.

And I will crawl, there's things that aren't worth giving up I know.
But I won't let this get me I will fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside,
Somedays all I do is watch the sky.
But I think I, could use a little break
somedays were good days.

tried so hard to not walk away,
and when things don't go my way
i'll still carry on,
but i won't keep the same.