looking for that missing something

Feeling weird now, today. and i realise this is probably one of the earliest times i've blogged, ever. i can't really describe it, something between melancholy, fatigue (probably due to training) and dissatisfaction with my life right now. perhaps this has something to do with that ichigo bliss being less than satisfying after what i've heard about it being so good and nice and wdv. but it's not what it's made out to be, seriously. i feel like i'm missing out on alot of things in life, perhaps what i'm missing is actually people, especially people i was close to. i hope this goes away when i finally get out of this comfortable chair to go and bathe and turn off the computer because i've not been productive at all! perhaps that has something to do with why i'm feeling this way. not really annoyed, but feeling like i've been wasting alot of time and you only live once. perhaps if you suscribe to reincarnation, the above statement won't apply. yet, memories of your past life will definitely elude you.

I think i prefer being a random blogger, to a contemplative one. definitely more lighthearted.

resolution: december shall be a stay-at-home-and-study-month

I'll keep to that. I will! and maybe then, i'll feel like i've achieved something.

You can speculate all you like about causation, but in the end, you never know if it's just something your mind has conjured up to explain away your emotions, and not the real problem. But we all have to move on. And make the best of what we think we have.

Perhaps the oreo-ice-blend-with-pudding sugar influx has worn out and i'm on a sugar low. Maybe it's because my spiking today was unmentionably horrendous. I stink.

Wash off the dirt, and perhaps i'll be clean again.