something i've left unsaid for too long
i've been meaning to blog about another day in my vball life that i think i won't ever forget (hopefully): MONDAY 16/04/2007. similarly heart wrenching but less shock-inducing as valentine's day this year, coach and mr tan announced the final 12 school team players. you would think i'd be accustomed to hearing these kind of announcements after 4+ years in a sports cca, granted a different sport, but well, this time felt different from all those times squash team was announced, somehow...perhaps it's a team sport vs 'individual sport'thing. i just read the letter our captain wrote us (she calls it her econs essay.. it's 3 pages long..) and it well, made me feel, i guess quivery is the word, inside and that's something quite hard to accomplish. now i feel weak. how's that :x rawr. and i guess different situations bring about different feelings, no matter how similar the experiences may appear to be on the surface.
well, like mr tan said, volleyball is more about the team, the relationships you make, and shared experiences, going through thick and thin as a team...and he said that even the strongest team, made out of individuals who focus on themselves and their skills, put together to play, i.e. All-stars, will envy the closeness you share with your team...that's true i guess, and well, i've never felt so a part of a team before... and i feel that trust and belief in ourselves and in each other is what i think will ultimately bring us through. and it's what we need to have. and what i hope we have in ample amounts, because a higher entity and a common goal is often the shining beacon... i'm waxing poetic... and well, monday was the first time i think, that we shared what we felt about our team with each other, sitting in a circle under the darkened skies. i saw a plane's nav lights glide past. there's beauty in the breakdown, however bittersweet. And while people may think that the line "silver lining behind every cloud" is clichéd, it's something i hold to. hahaa and something i've seen. something i want to see again. it was also the first time after training that we did something i think almost every single person in the team envied the boys' team for - we sat at the canteen after training and talked.granted, disturbing events happened when zj tried to stun me then give me a heart attack... but he looked really sad and emo and serious. :s he still looks super emo after the team choices were made... argh. :(
it's not like other people aren't sad... but well, i guess decisions are made for the best for the team. and i have nothing to say about the guys' team politics, and whatnot. but well, what i feel personally is that, coach and mr tan really had a hard time deciding, making the cut, sitting around with TWO teams of equally emo teens with different shared experiences and different types of bondedness. our team has come a long way from the first time i joined training till now, i can really see that we are a team and i'm really happy about it, i think that was what i said in the circle when it was my turn to share, while trying not to choke on words. i'm not very eloquent verbally, or rather, i find it hard to open up and express my feelings. yes, i envy people who are able to do that... and i doubt people find me reticent, more quiet amongst strangers though but i'm trying! really and although i don't say much sometimes...it's more that i can't express what i'm actually feeling inside verbally. somehow, text comes much easier. i have just proven my introvertedness once more.
this is what i value about the volleyball team now: the camaraderie, the way we're there for each other, the way no one will ever be made to feel left out and even though, yes some of us admitted that we are not the best team, we've had fun together and been there for each other and these are the bonds that i will remember. and this is what i'm trying to be, part of a whole, like a slice of the pie, instead of a single stick in a bunch of twigs tied together...
someone asked me if i regret giving up squash. and after reflecting, while i regret the skill i've wasted and the time i've spent, no i don't regret what i learnt from squash nor the friends i've made there and i definitely do not regret becoming a volleyballer, and part of the pie. perhaps it's a strawberry cheese pie with chocolate :P and 100 plus or H-two-O on the side~
well, like mr tan said, volleyball is more about the team, the relationships you make, and shared experiences, going through thick and thin as a team...and he said that even the strongest team, made out of individuals who focus on themselves and their skills, put together to play, i.e. All-stars, will envy the closeness you share with your team...that's true i guess, and well, i've never felt so a part of a team before... and i feel that trust and belief in ourselves and in each other is what i think will ultimately bring us through. and it's what we need to have. and what i hope we have in ample amounts, because a higher entity and a common goal is often the shining beacon... i'm waxing poetic... and well, monday was the first time i think, that we shared what we felt about our team with each other, sitting in a circle under the darkened skies. i saw a plane's nav lights glide past. there's beauty in the breakdown, however bittersweet. And while people may think that the line "silver lining behind every cloud" is clichéd, it's something i hold to. hahaa and something i've seen. something i want to see again. it was also the first time after training that we did something i think almost every single person in the team envied the boys' team for - we sat at the canteen after training and talked.granted, disturbing events happened when zj tried to stun me then give me a heart attack... but he looked really sad and emo and serious. :s he still looks super emo after the team choices were made... argh. :(
it's not like other people aren't sad... but well, i guess decisions are made for the best for the team. and i have nothing to say about the guys' team politics, and whatnot. but well, what i feel personally is that, coach and mr tan really had a hard time deciding, making the cut, sitting around with TWO teams of equally emo teens with different shared experiences and different types of bondedness. our team has come a long way from the first time i joined training till now, i can really see that we are a team and i'm really happy about it, i think that was what i said in the circle when it was my turn to share, while trying not to choke on words. i'm not very eloquent verbally, or rather, i find it hard to open up and express my feelings. yes, i envy people who are able to do that... and i doubt people find me reticent, more quiet amongst strangers though but i'm trying! really and although i don't say much sometimes...it's more that i can't express what i'm actually feeling inside verbally. somehow, text comes much easier. i have just proven my introvertedness once more.
this is what i value about the volleyball team now: the camaraderie, the way we're there for each other, the way no one will ever be made to feel left out and even though, yes some of us admitted that we are not the best team, we've had fun together and been there for each other and these are the bonds that i will remember. and this is what i'm trying to be, part of a whole, like a slice of the pie, instead of a single stick in a bunch of twigs tied together...
someone asked me if i regret giving up squash. and after reflecting, while i regret the skill i've wasted and the time i've spent, no i don't regret what i learnt from squash nor the friends i've made there and i definitely do not regret becoming a volleyballer, and part of the pie. perhaps it's a strawberry cheese pie with chocolate :P and 100 plus or H-two-O on the side~
posted by sneakytrixie at
4/18/2007 09:54:00 PM
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